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Um, Zelda: Tears Of The Kingdom's Flamethrowing Dick Is Certainly A Thing

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom grants Link all sorts of new powers, like Fusing weapons together to increase their durability and strength or Recalling objects to rewind their place in the world. Another option our queer-coded Hero of the Wild has in the Nintendo Switch exclusive is the ability to combine items to create new structures, which one player did to [checks notes] construct a giant mecha with a flamethrowing dick. Yeah, you read that right.

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Out on May 12, TotK is the sequel to BotW—but you probably knew that by now. A lot has already been written about the game, from the details we learned thanks to leaks to the fact that evildoer Ganon has become hot AF. And while we saw a glimpse of the many new abilities at Link’s disposal in March, one that seems to have limitless potential is Ultrahand, a skill that lets you MacGyver items together to construct things like a raft to cross rivers or a car to traverse landscapes. With this skill, your creations are only limited by your creativity. The sky’s the limit, and one anonymous player took that old adage to the extreme, posting maybe the wildest contraption I’ve ever seen in a Zelda game.

Don’t tease Link with a flaming good time

An anonymous user on the image hosting and sharing site Imgur posted a short video of a mechanized colossus composed of various parts: tree trunks, steel doors, cinder blocks, and what appear to be some Guardian components. The pièce de résistance here, though, is the thing in the humanoid’s middle section. I couldn’t tell you exactly what it is; it looks like a flamethrower Link might’ve ripped off some hapless robot. However, when Link shoots this mechanical third arm, something really strange happens: It starts firing a line of flames—very excitedly and uncontrollably, I might add.

I…don’t even know what to say here. Why? What’s going on? How long did it take to build? Can this thing kill a Bokoblin or, better yet, Rehydrated Ganon? Is it excited to see Link? An endless array of questions come to mind, none of which matter as my eyes are affixed on the flamethrowing dick. If there’s one thing I can say, it’d simply be this: I love player creativity. Having a vision and seeing it through to completion, regardless of how frustrating or tedious it might be, brings me such motivation. Will I create a huge person-looking structure with a flamethrowing dick? Probably not, but seeing what’s possible inspires me to flex my own creative muscles in Tears of the Kingdom.

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Thankfully, we don’t have to wait long to get those creative juices flowing as Tears of the Kingdom lands this week. Good luck out there, y’all. Here’s hoping you use Ultrahand for practical and impractical constructions, just as Nintendo intended…or maybe not? Who cares, though? You do you.

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